REGRETS? – REALLY?

        Certain events may seem regretful on occurrence or due to non-occurrence, as the case may be. Later, on looking back, it would seem to have been for the good after all! That is my belief and here is why. After all, the Almighty sitting up in the clouds with silvery flowing beard and smoking a pipe with a smile that never fades, has plans for each of us. At least for me, for sure, personally speaking.

Regret one. Rejection by Merchant Navy.

Perhaps this was my first major regret. I had just completed Pre-University. Got the brochure of INS Dufferin and was impressed, especially with the sports activities that included boxing, to which I was never introduced but had a sneaky liking. I applied in all eagerness. Written exam was a breeze. In the medical, got caught in the eye test. The good doctor tried to encourage me - he seemed to want me to pass the test somehow - in the pitch-dark room where I had to identify red, green and amber colours, which slowly became smaller and smaller and started coming up in pairs in different combinations. After a stage my eyes watered like mad and I gave up. I was seeing only two white dots, swimming! The disappointed doctor, with a sad smile, put a large rectangular stamp on the result sheet with “FAILED”, in capitals, of course. My heart shattered. You see, perhaps, I always had hydrophilia. I love water, in all its forms, brooks, rivers, lake, sea, et al. To boot, I was a good swimmer if you don’t mind my saying it. But this “fail”, poured water on my inclination to try for the Indian Navy at a later stage. That crisp, snowy white, Uniform, Man!

HIS Plan

He had designed me for the Army, I feel, for that is where I landed up later. In the Merchant Navy, I might have made a lot of money and spent it unwisely (as was my wont). I was not to be a moneyed man. I had to rough it out in my youth, so that I could enjoy my pension in the ripe old age!

Regret two. Missing out on the favourite College.

I seriously regretted when I could not join Madras Christian College. Having done schooling in Madras Christian College High School and having been selected by the school authorities for direct admission to MCC, it was a huge disappointment. In the school I was known as “high jumper Rajendran” and I think that was the catalyst for the direct selection. Circumstances dictated that I join Govt Arts College, where Hockey, which was not my scene, was the mainstay.

HIS Plan

If I had joined MCC, I was determined to take Psychology as major and Philosophy and Logic as minor subjects. (There was a group like that. You can imagine how much homework I would have done to know such fine details) I liked these subjects as much as I hated Maths. If this had happened, may be, I would have been a pioneer in investigative journalism or a man with a jute bag hanging on my shoulder looking around for a living. I also had an idea of doing a course in French in Alliance de Francaise, God knows for what reason. But then I was to become an Army Engineer. Did I say, I hated Maths?

Regret three. Being Commissioned into Services and not Arms.

As an NCC cadet in College and having taken to it like fish to water, Army as a career loomed large (Navy was already out, remember?) Air Force was not in the reckoning at all, somehow). Attending Army Training Camp at Mt Abu with the 4/4 Gurkha Regiment for a whole month, my focus on the choice of Arm became clear. Specifically, 4/4 GR, what else! And to serve in inhospitable, but action filled, places. Wanted to live life tough. Infantry is the best and if a Para Commando on top of it, it is heaven. No. Sir. Not to be.

HIS Plan

No fighting Arm at all. It was to be the Corps of Electrical (now Electronics) and Mechanical Engineers! Affectionately termed as EME, in short. The Equipment Maintenance Engineers of the Army. So, I got posting after posting to nice - nice places and cities, to get posted where, people would give an arm and a leg. Suffice to say that I was never ever separated from my family, except for a year when I was in Sri Lankan Operations, and that too for which I volunteered, much to the surprise of the posting department. Imagine. Who can believe that in the entire three decades plus career in the Army one could serve without ever being separated from the family? Still, I do, regret that I was never posted to Leh, Ladakh and Nagaland, leave alone Siachen.

Regret four. Missing out on some matters of pride.

During the beginning of my career, I wanted to do any, or all, of Commando’s, PT (Physical Training) and Para(chute) Courses. I used to consider myself as a very fit youngster. Though these courses were not mandatory for Services like my Corps (as against Arms), I wanted to do them for my own satisfaction and happiness and pride and ego and what have you. But my friends, but seniors, as Staff Officers in the local Head Quarters, refused to accept and forward my requests. Their logic was, “you are nicely in EME, why do you want to go and break your legs, unnecessarily?”. They were all from Infantry, of course. So, I had to continue sans any of these feathers in my cap. So sad, no?

HIS Plan

Somewhere during the middle years of my career, I happened to get hospitalised (a Novalgin, a pain killer, almost killed me) and an X-ray of my spine showed a congenital defect to the good Doctor. He advised me not to bend and twist and to be careful. To me, whose life was being spent on the sports fields! Bending and twisting was par for the course! So, what would have happened if I had undergone all those physically tough and demanding the extreme from a person, courses? Be a life-long invalid? Thank you. Lord.

Regret five. Prestige at stake.

To command a Battalion is every Army Officer’s dream. Even in Services, what to talk of fighting Arms. Even I had that dream. Especially since I was an out and out a field man and not too technical, meaning bookish. But on becoming a Colonel, I was sent to a Base Workshop, which is like a factory, as their Production Manager. On my crying hoarse and eating my heart out, I was told a blatant lie that the Corps grooms Officers for higher posts and so I needed that experience! What hopes! Why I was so consternated was that, normally one is posted at such a senior post to a Base Workshop, which is akin to a factory, only if one has had a previous experience in a junior post. As I said, I was an out and out a field man and was expecting only a Command in the Field. As a Battalion Commander, I would have surely ensured that all my Officers learnt ball-room dancing, of which I was very fond, and hardly anyone knew the nuances. I had such plans. Technical work would happen anyway.

HIS Plan

In the Base Workshop, civilians outnumbered combatants by four times. And there were three militant Unions and a couple of other welfare organisations, which were also political. None of them produced anything except nuisance. Purely political people. I used to get headaches controlling my anger and quick reaction tendency to the detriment of myself, to put some sense into the leaders’ heads to eliminate their mischievousness and to get them to meet their production targets. That experience stood me in very good stead in my post retirement jobs. Moreover, it was a self-discovery for me. Till then, I was happily immersed in my active combat field life and therefore did not know about certain personal and managerial traits that a manager must have which I discovered, I had. If I did not have it, I learnt to develop it. I had to. Like Conflict Management. I also learned that being fair and firm without bending, pays rich dividends.

Regret six. Being jobless.

Post retirement I did not get a job for a year and a half. Here was I, all of an Engineer with added qualities of discipline and such as expected (at least I thought big shot civilians expected) of an Army Officer who had more than three and a half decades of service! I was hell bent on NOT doing a security job, offers for which came in droves. There is a wrong notion among the civilians. That Army chaps are good at security jobs, and perhaps only at it. Army is for securing the borders of the Nation, not for any sundry’s factory, however big. I was technical so the only deviation I could allow was to administration, as that is inherent in Service. So, many interviews amounted to zilch. (It was interesting to know that many of the employers did not know the difference between a Warrant Officer and a Colonel, and I wound up lecturing them). Slowly, self-doubts started creeping in. I started getting nervous. Am I really as good as think of myself or what!

HIS Plan

HE kept me on hold from all those silly jobs, at my desperation. Because Maruti themselves, was to open a service outlet in Chennai and run it directly by themselves as against through any dealers, as was the norm. I was to be taken in as the head to run it! That too when they had just purchased the land on which the service station was to be subsequently built. In other words, I was paid the salary when I had nothing really to do! But then I learnt a lot about civil construction and such during that period. No doubt the job was prestigious and I began to be known in Chennai by many Maruti car owners. I also discovered that I had a penchant for the all-important “customer care” attitude. Angry customers walk in and they go out as friends after an interlude with me! In the Army there are no customers per se.

The above are just some as illustrations. As life extends, regrets too increase, it may seem. That is illusory, is my take.

So, my philosophy is, never fret. Never worry about things not going as per your liking or desire, in spite of your honest efforts. They are not actually going wrong. Just not as per your design, that is all. Be patient. Take what is dished out to you on the chin, boldly and wait. In card games like Bridge, you have to handle the cards dealt for you, as best as possible. You cannot do anything else. Call it fate, destiny, whatever. That Man sitting in the clouds has a plan for you. A good plan. HE will deal it to you correctly at the appropriate time. Just trust Him. That is all. We are his progeny. HE can never be bad for us.

 

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